The Birthday Hunt
by xxsnoopyxx
Summary: "Here's a special birthday hunt made especially for you. Now follow all the clues around to find out who loves you." Kathryn thinks it's just a joke from her senior staff but decides to find out. But is it or does someone really love her? Set when Kes is still on Voyager. I don't own Star Trek Voyager, only this story, the notes and poem in it. Please R&R even though it's complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**Authors Note: So this is a little idea my friend Lizz and I came up with a few years ago. We created the idea together so I must give her credit for her input and ideas. **

**I hope you like it! I'll try to update once a week maybe once a fortnight depending on my school commitments.**

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Kathryn sighed as the door chime rang, disturbing her train of thought.  
'Come in!' she said and the doors slid open in response to her command. A young girl, half human, half Ktarian walked in and stood in front of her desk.

'Captain's assistant Naomi Wildman, reporting for duty!' Naomi said formally.

Naomi was the only child onboard Voyager but despite this Naomi was never bored or unhappy, she was just like any other member of the crew, only younger and a lot smaller.

'Naomi,' Kathryn said. ' I have a very important task for you. It's a lot of responsibility. Are you sure you're up to the challenge?'

'Yes captain!' Naomi replied smiling.

'I need you to assist Tom at the conn.' Kathryn knew how much Naomi wanted to learn about the ships functions, especially how to fly the ship.

Naomi beamed with excitement. 'Thank you Captain!' Naomi practically squealed as she ran towards the door. Naomi was so excited that she didn't see the person standing at the door and crashed into Commander Chakotay as they opened.

'I'm sorry Commander.' Naomi stated formally with a hint of embarrassment. Chakotay just smiled trying to muffle a laugh. He knew Kathryn had just told her she could assist Tom at the conn and Naomi's excitement was very apparent by the massive smile she had plastered on her face.

'It's alright Naomi, Tom's waiting for you at the conn,' Chakotay walked in and the doors closed behind him as Naomi ran out onto the bridge.

'I have that ships systems report you wanted captain.' Chakotay stated formally.

'Thank you.' Kathryn took the report and walked over to the replicator. 'Coffee?'

'Ah, tea would be nice.' Chakotay responded as he sat down on the couch.

Kathryn smiled and turned towards the replicator. 'Tea and coffee, black.' Kathryn commanded.

Within seconds the hot beverages appeared. She picked up the cups and placed the tea on the table in front of Chakotay before sitting down and taking a long sip of her coffee. Their close proximity made Kathryn's heart begin to race the awkward silence that had fallen between them made Kathryn feel tense. Finally Chakotay spoke.

'So what did you think of the systems report? Everything in order?'

'Yes, everything is fine.' Kathryn knew her reply sounded uneasy. She didn't know why. Being around Chakotay had never made her feel uneasy before. Or had it?

'Is something wrong Kathryn?' His concern was evident in his tone of voice. Chakotay could sense how tense she was and he knew it would most likely have nothing to do with the ship.

'No I'm fine.' A lie. She wasn't fine. But she couldn't tell Chakotay. She had no idea what was causing these unsettling feelings. It was highly frustrating but she tried not to let her frustration get the better of her.

Chakotay just smiled and stood up. He didn't want to pry. He knew she would talk to him about whatever was bothering her in her own time. 'Thanks for the tea.' He simply said as me made his way towards the door.

'You're welcome.' her response was barely audible. She had already re-entered her thoughts. As unprofessional as it was, she couldn't help herself.

Chakotay left the ready room, leaving her alone with her thoughts. . All her worries we going to her head, the ship, her crew, Chakotay! Why did Chakotay all of a sudden make her feel so tense? Why did her heart race when she saw him? Kathryn couldn't think rationally about anything any longer. Looking over at the clock she realized how late it was. She decided to retire to her quarters.

As Kathryn slept, a little red note materialized on her bedside table. When she woke she didn't even notice it until she picked up her comm badge. She froze. _How the hell did that get there? _She thought. Picking it up, her instincts told her to call security because no one should have been able to get anything into her quarters. But in this case, she knew her instincts were wrong. Looking at it she noticed her name delicately hand written on the front of it. She opened the note and read:

"_**Here's a special birthday hunt made especially for you. Now follow all the clues around to find out who loves you." **_

Kathryn just laughed. Her senior officers had obviously prepared a special little joke for her birthday. She decided the bridge was the most logical place she should look for her next clue so she left her quarters for the turbo lift.

Exiting the turbo lift, she noticed how quiet the bridge was. The night shift wasn't quite over but she thought there would have been more chatter amongst her crew. Ensign Harry Kim sat in the captains' chair. He looked relaxed but as soon as he noticed her and sprang to his feet.

'Captain on the bridge!' He alerted the crew. Everyone sprang to attention.

'Carry on Ensign, your shift isn't over yet'.

'Yes captain.' Harry relaxed and settled back into his roll as acting captain.

Kathryn entered her ready room. For once she didn't have any work to do and this bothered her. All she could think about was that note that had appeared on her bedside table that morning. What if someone really did love her? It would have to be one of her senior officers. Who else could know her well enough to love her? No, it had to be a joke. Either way she intended to find out. Not knowing was frustrating enough!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

**Authors Note: I hope people have been enjoying this story! Although this chapter is a short one it's better than nothing. I didn't want to run out of chapters to post incase I don't get a chance to write much this week with the outcomes I have on. **

Kathryn had fallen asleep on the couch in her ready room. The sound of the door chime every now and then hadn't registered in her brain until about the fifth time. She hadn't realized how tired she actually was and without her morning coffee she guessed she couldn't manage to stay awake. The thought of falling asleep embarrassed her. Quickly ordering a cup of coffee, she snatched it up before sitting down at her desk.

'Come in.' She couldn't believe how tired she sounded. The doors opened and Chakotay rushed in, his worry evident on his face.

'Are you okay? I've been standing at the door for a while.' Chakotay had already sat down next to her and started looking for any signs that she was ill.

'I'm fine.' Avoiding eye contact, her response was abrupt; she didn't want him to figure anything out.

'You don't look fine. You look tired and I've noticed how tense you are lately. Whatever's on your mind, let me know if I can do anything to help.'

Kathryn just sighed. She knew she would have to stop avoiding casual and more personal conversations with her first officer. It had never been a problem before; Chakotay would eventually get suspicious if he wasn't already. Handing her a PADD Chakotay smiled, even though she could tell he was slightly annoyed by her detachment from conversation lately.

'Well I will be in the mess hall, see you on the bridge at 08:00'

Chakotay had already left the ready room but Kathryn waited at least 10 minutes before she went onto the bridge just to make sure he was gone. When she relived Harry, she noticed it was still relatively quiet. Tuvok was at his station, fully focused on the task at hand, Tom was at the conn chatting up some of the younger female officers at nearby stations but other than that not much was going on.

Kathryn decided to activate the consol between her seat and Commander Chakotay's anyway, just to check things over. To her surprise there is was another little red note. She quickly snatched it up and left the bridge in Tuvok's capable hands. Once safely inside the turbolift she opened the note.

_**"If you get the flu I will come and see you. Now it's about time you come and see me."**_

'Sickbay' Kathryn commanded and the turbolift began to move.

'Doctor…' The Emergency Medical Hologram cut Kathryn off mid-sentence.

'Ah Captain, here for your annual physical I presume? The one you have been avoiding for the last two weeks?'

'No, I'm here for my next clue'. Kathryn said hastily.

'You're next clue? Well I am afraid I am clueless.'

'Doctor, it's a little red note? My last one told me to come here?' She enquired.

'Ah yes, that. Well you will have to let me give you your physical first or you can't have it.'

'Fine, just get it over with.'

Kathryn was frustrated. _Do all my clues require me to do something she thought? _

"_**I make your breakfast, lunch and tea so come and have some leola root with me."**_

The phrase kept repeating over and over again in her head. She knew exactly whom she needed to go to but she knew it would look suspicious if she suddenly began wondering all over the ship. So instead of going to see Neelix, she went to her ready room hoping a report and cup of steaming, delicious coffee would provide her with distraction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing STV!  
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Kathryn had spent the past few hours reviewing reports from all over the ship, including Tuvok's tactical report that she had been putting off for the past week. She had rather enjoyed the distraction her work had provided her, and all the cups of coffee that had kept her going of course.

The door chime rang and Kathryn knew it was probably Chakotay coming to ask her to join him for lunch. He often came in and asked her around about this time. The realisation that it was Chakotay made her feel nervous all of a sudden. Every time she thought about him or was around him, she would get these feelings and she really didn't like it. It began to frustrate her.

'Come in.' Kathryn tried to sound formal.

As Chakotay walked in he couldn't help but notice she looked a little bit flushed and embarrassed. She also had her hair down; Chakotay thought she looked beautiful when she wore her hair down. To be honest with himself, he thought she was beautiful all the time, but he already knew that.

'Would you care to join me for lunch Captain?' He decided he should let her drop the formalities. The uneasy feelings Kathryn had felt moments before vanished as soon as she looked into Chakotay's caring eyes.

'Lunch would be lovely.' She smiled at him. Not only was she really hungry and looking forward to being able to have a casual chat with Chakotay, but she might also be able to get her next clue.

=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

Kathryn and Chakotay had decided to replicate some soup and basket of bread for lunch as Neelix had run out of most of the lunch special he had prepared for the crew. It was rather quiet with only the sounds of Neelix cooking up multiple dishes for dinner that night.

They had spent their time discussing all the latest scuttlebutt but also more important things like crew moral and supplies. Kathryn decided it was time for a cup of coffee so she excused herself after, asking if Chakotay would like some, and went to see if Neelix had any.

'Ah Captain!' Neelix shouted cheerfully as he stirred one of his concoctions, inhaling the savoury scent. 'Did you enjoy your lunch? I'm sorry I didn't save you and the commander something from the lunch run. I should have known better.'

'Yes I did thank you, don't worry about it Neelix the commander and I sorted something out.' She was sort of glad she had been able to replicate something. She wasn't very fond of many of Neelix's dishes, especially if they contained leola root. 'I was wondering if you had any coffee left over?'

'As a matter of fact I do. I'll just go and get it and some cups for you.' Neelix hurried off to find the coffee. He had many talents and had been a wonderful asset to Voyager's crew.

'Here you go Captain! Is there anything else I can do for you?'

'Actually there is. I was wondering if you had my next clue?' Kathryn hoped she wouldn't have to taste test anything just to get it.

'Yes I do Captain. I'll just go and get it for you.'

'Thank you Neelix.' Kathryn felt relieved that she wouldn't have to do anything to get her next clue.

'Here you go Captain!' Neelix practically shouted. She opened the little red note and read:

"_**You will find me in engineering"**_

Kathryn returned to the table where Chakotay was sitting with the coffee and cups. She had already hidden the note so Chakotay wouldn't see it.

'Coffee commander?' She asked, even though she already knew his answer.

'That would be very nice.' Chakotay's response was calm. Kathryn poured the coffee into the two cups and the two officers continued to talk about the crew and the ship while they finished their lunch. Kathryn had been worried that her 'uneasy' feelings might have surfaced during their lunch, but they hadn't and when they had finished she was thankful to finally get back to her ready room to continue working.

=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

It had been on her mind all day, that little red note. The ship had finally come across a planet that had hailed them asking for help with transporting some supplies to another planet in the system. They had offered supplies and shore leave for the crew in return. After determining there was no harm to Voyager and making sure the aliens had any hidden agenda, Kathryn had agreed. Since then everyone had been running around making lists for repairs that needed to be done and supplies that they needed. Kathryn had had no time to chase B'Elanna for her next clue.

They had set the ship down over an hour ago after completing the transport. Kathryn had already met with the planets leaders and thanked them for their hospitality. They had learnt a little more about the Ca-Ta-Tryne and their planet called Ca-Ta III. They were a peaceful people who were also explorers. They belonged to the system of Ca-Ta where all the planets there shared Ca-Ta as their name plus a unique addition to distinguish themselves from each other. They had told them about some of the other species in the sector aside from those of the Ca-Ta planets, who to avoid and who would be able to provide supplies Voyager needed that they didn't have.

When she got back to the ship she overheard a lot of her crew talking about the beautiful sunsets of the planet and the beaches unique qualities. When she returned to the bridge she was prompted by an offer for dinner at the beach with Chakotay. How could she say no?

=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

She was now deciding what to wear to dinner that night. The thought of Chakotay came with butterflies. She all of a sudden felt incredibly embarrassed. How could she go to dinner with Chakotay if she felt this way! She knew she had too. It was silly to even think of cancelling. The case of a few butterflies was nothing for the captain of a great star ship.

Dinner. Chakotay was due at her door in 10 minutes and she still had no idea what to wear. How casual was too casual? How formal was too formal? The pile of dresses and nice shirts on her bed toppled over at the stress of another dress, being thrown carelessly to the top of the pile. Kathryn groaned in frustration.

Looking at the clock she noticed there was now only five minutes left. She picked up a simple light blue dress off the floor and put it on. She fixed up her hair and picked up a light coat from the pile just in case it was cold. The door chime rang and Kathryn quickly answered it.

'Come in.' She hadn't realised she had been holding her breath until Chakotay walked in. He looked so handsome and strong in his suit. She got lost within his warm smile and mesmerising eyes within seconds of him entering and she quickly released the breath she had been holding. She was speechless. Lucky for her Chakotay decided to speak.

'Shall we?' Chakotay offered his arm and Kathryn took it, laughing as they exited her quarters and made their way to the transporter room.

=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

They had beamed onto a beautiful beach. The tide was neither coming in nor going out. Waves just lapped peacefully onto the pink sand as the water glistened in the sun. It was warm and the air smelt fresh but at the same time it was salty and sweet. Looking ahead she saw a little table, covered in a nice white cloth. There was wine and candles to decorate and their food was already set out for them to eat.

They spent the evening much like they had spent lunch. They talked about everything that had and hadn't happened over the past few days while enjoying a rather delicious vegetable lasagne. Finishing dinner they walked along the beach back towards the ship.

The planets twin suns began to set, colouring the sky different shades of pink, orange, purple and red. There was a breath-taking glow that sparkled as it highlighted the mountains in the distance. The warm breeze had picked up, sending warm vibes throughout their bodies. The fresh but sweet and salty smell had lost its saltiness and now smelt a lot sweeter and more like strawberries.

They walked in silence; content just to be in each other's company as they admired the beauty of this planet they had managed to come across, on their long journey home. Both of them knew the other had enjoyed the night. They finally reached the ship and were now outside Kathryn's quarters.

'Thank you for a wonderful night Chakotay' Kathryn said simply. Chakotay couldn't help but simple. He felt truly happy that Kathryn had let her walls down enough to enjoy a simple night out with a friend. She had been so tense lately, he had noticed but she wouldn't tell him why. This concerned him a little. He thought their friendship was strong enough that they would feel comfortable telling each other anything, obviously not.

Then he realised she must have decided to follow the clues that he and the senior officers had made up for her. Suddenly becoming aware he was still at Kathryn's door and hadn't responded to her statement about dinner, he quickly spluttered out a few words.

'I'm… glad you had a good time.' He paused. 'I enjoyed it too.' He managed to say before feeling extremely awkward. 'Goodnight Kathryn.' He then said leaving her alone in front of her door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors note: Sorry it took so long! May is going to be slow on updates as I have at least 6 assessment tasks over the next few weeks and I'm really sick. I will try to find time to write but might not get anything up till the last week of May or start of June. Sorry! I hope you enjoy this anyway.**

After a week on Ca-Ta III, Voyager had collected enough food supplies to last another month. Timely diagnostics had been run and many repairs to the outside as well as the inside of the ship had been completed. The crew had all had the opportunity to spend a day on Ca-Ta III some being able to spend the night before returning to the ship in the morning. Voyager was now back in space heading towards the Alpha quadrant, on their long journey home.

Whilst on Ca-Ta III things had been a little less hectic and Kathryn had finally been able to catch up with B'Elanna and get her next clue.

"_**I play the Clarinet"**_

It was a short clue, but it was very clear as to who she had to see next the only problem was finding the right time and place to ask him. She decided she would wait till the right moment presented itself even if it took some time.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

It had been a stressful day on Voyager. Just days after leaving Ca-Ta III, Voyager came across a class J nebula not far off their course. They decided to take a look and complete some scans for data collection. An hour into their scans, a ship uncloaked and opened fire. They tried to fight them off but the shield generator failed leaving them exposed to the enemies' multiphase torpedos. Voyager had taken a lot of damage and decided that without shields they would have been destroyed so they jumped to warp, thankful that the other ship didn't follow.

They had now found a rather empty part of space and begun repairs for the second time in two weeks. Investigation into why the shields failed was the main focus that afternoon. Tempers were running high, two fights had broken out in the mess hall and there had been a lot of arguments. A bacteria brought on the ship from Ca-Ta III had mutated into a virus and spread on the ship. The virus mimicked symptoms much like the flu only worse. Many crewmembers were off duty on bed rest, causing sickbay to be overloaded and many areas of the ship to be understaffed.

When Kathryn was finally able to sit down with a cup of coffee in her ready room she was glad that the day was nearly over. She felt herself relax into the chair, as the weight of the day slowly seemed to lift from her shoulders. The aroma of coffee filled the air, the mug warmed her hands as she held it tightly. Taking a sip, she felt instantly calm. The door chime rang and Kathryn sighed. She knew that on a day like today, peace and relaxation, which she desperately needed, was not something she would get. At least she had tried.

'Come in.' She said formally, her tone bland and her words void of meaning. Harry walked in carrying a PADD and a little red note. Finally she was able to get her next clue and this excited her. Something good had finally happened that day.

'Here is my damage report Captain" Harry stated formally yet sounding inexperienced as young officers generally do. He passed her the PADD he was holding and smiled awkwardly as he stood there at attention.

'At ease Harry.' Kathryn stated knowing he wouldn't drop the formalities. 'I hope there isn't too much damage in operations?'

'No captain, everything is fine but I would like to run a level three diagnostic just to be sure.'

'Go right ahead Harry.'

'Thank you captain and uh…' He paused; uncertain as to exactly what he should say about the note he was holding. He decided straight forward and simple was best. "B'Elanna told me you saw her and because things have been a bit frantic lately – this is for you.' He passed her the red note and watched as she opened it.

_**"Live long and prosper is all I have to say, now I hope this helps you find your way."**_

Kathryn smiled at the notion of the clue. It had cheered her up a little after such a long day. She was just glad it was over and hoped no more violent aliens or outbreaks of flu would come their way, at least not for a while anyway.

'Thank you Ensign.' She said and Harry turned to leave. Kathryn's attention quickly turned to her coffee and she couldn't help but think – if only they were home, things would be different and the crew would be safe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the wait, exams and things got in the way. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
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It had been easy for her to get her next clue. Tuvok was one of her closest friends and every now and then they had dinner together, talked about the ship and anything that come up in conversation. Tonight had been one of those nights.

'_**The adventures of captain Proton and Buster Kincaid!" **_

She knew it had to be Tom next as she had already seen Harry for a clue. This 'birthday hunt' was getting slightly frustrating, as it seemed to just go on and on. She just wanted to get to the end of it, to find out it was all just a big joke, and she knew there would be a party. She just wanted to finish this 'birthday hunt', attend her 'surprise' party and then go back to her quarters for a nice hot bath. She had never been too fond of celebrating her birthday.

Today, Voyager had found a class M planet on long range scans that was showing signs of large dilithium deposits. They had completed as many scans as they could from their current distance and had found that the readings were most likely accurate. If anything the deposits could be smaller than what they could currently determine but they knew there would be some dilithium there and they really needed dilithium. They were now on course to this planet and would arrive in just over 10 hours.

Things were quite relaxed on Voyager. The news of finding the dilithium had spread quickly, which excited the crew. Moral was high, everything was running smoothly and after their last attack and the outbreak of that flu-like virus, it was good to see the mood change. There were no immediate problems, reports or anything that needed to be attended to so Kathryn decided that when her shift was over, she would find Tom and get her next clue. She was in a pretty good mood herself finally seeing Voyager and her crew in good shape again.

=/\==/\==/\=

Tom and Harry had spent the past hour in the Holodeck. They were running another chapter of captain Proton. They had been trying to stop Satan's robot from taking over the earth. Chaotica had tried to use the death ray and so it was Tom and Harry's job as captain Proton and Buster Kinkaid, to stop him and save the citizens of the earth. Tom and Harry had just stormed the castle and attempted to disable the death ray when they heard the holodeck doors open and close. Tom expected it to be B'Elanna joining them for their next chapter.

'Computer, freeze program.' A female voice commanded and the computer responded with a monotonous beep while Tom and Harry's surroundings froze instantly, Chaotica in mid sentence.

'Oh come on! We were just getting to the good part where I, Captain Proton will save the Earth!' Tom shouted in a joking matter.

'I'm sure you will still be able to save the Earth Mr. Paris.' Kathryn assured him.

'Sorry Captain, I thought you were someone else.' Tom said slightly embarrassed. Taking on a formal tone and putting his mistake behind him he continued. 'What can I do for you Captain?'

'My last clue told me to see Captain Proton, so here I am.'

Tom smiled wickedly at this statement. He knew she had been following the clues, as it was all he, Harry and B'Elanna had been talking about the past few days. He also knew exactly who had an interest in their captain.

'Of course.' Tom smiled; the sincerity of his response was almost uncanny. He pulled a grey coloured note out of his pocket and passed it to her. Kathryn took the note, said thank you and left the holodeck where the note quickly changed colour, as soon as she walked out of the holodeck doors.

_**"I once had a crush on her like someone does you. Go to the hydroponics bay and see what is waiting for you."**_

Kathryn went straight to the hydroponics bay, not caring if the crew noticed she had been running around all over the ship, she just couldn't be patient anymore. She was still convinced it was a joke, she knew it had to be and that it would all end with just a laugh and a celebration. She had noticed crewmembers preparing decorations and overheard people talking about what food they would be taking. She wouldn't admit it to anyone else but she had rather enjoyed this little note thing but now she just really wanted to get to the end of it. Entering the hydroponics bay she couldn't see Kes anywhere.

'Kes?' She called out but there was no response. All she could see were luscious and vibrant growing flowers, fruits and vegetables. Then she noticed it, a rose lying on a stool, in the middle of the room. As she got closer, she noticed the little red note was sitting underneath it. She picked up the rose and opened the note.

_**'The Rose is for you, now there are three things left, a surprise, a note and the person who loves you.'**_

Suddenly she felt nervous. Her first thought was that a rose was a little far for a joke. Then all these other thoughts and feelings flashed by. The last few days had been an adventure. The way she had felt around Chakotay, the attack from the Aliens, meeting the leaders of Ca-Ta-Tryne, her dinner on the beach with Chakotay, seeing all her senior officers for clues, coffee, the outbreak of the flu. Repairs, finding dilithium, dealing with fights, seeing the crew prepare for her surprise party. Everything rushed by her, now she was just confused.

'Where do I go next? ' Realising she had spoken out loud, she instinctively looked around to see if anyone had heard her, but no one had because she was alone. Re-reading the note, nothing gave her any insight into where she should go next. Where was she supposed to go? Why was she given a rose, when was this going to end? Realising it was still a day until her birthday and that celebrations usually happen at night on Voyager, she decided to wait. Getting some sleep would be good they would be arriving at the class M planet in a few hours, she would need to be alert and on the bridge coordinating the collection of the dilithium and right now she was too tired to do that. She could figure out what to do about the note after they had started mining the dilithium. Tomorrow was her birthday after all and this was a 'birthday hunt.' She knew all would be revealed within time, she would just have to get some rest, be at her best, be patient and wait.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to Lizz again for helping me with the basics of the end of this story. **

**I don't own Star Trek Voyager, but I do own this story and the poem in this chapter!**

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****It had been hours since she had found her last clue. Voyager had reached the M class planted two hours ago and had confirmed the system was uninhabited. They had begun mining the dilithium and scout parties had been sent out to look for vegetation and anything else Voyager could use. Now there was nothing to do but wait for the regular check-ins and the commencement of transporting whatever supplies they collected.

Kathryn was bored. She had finished all the reports she had previously neglected and the teams on the surface wouldn't start transporting for another hour. She had nothing to do until all the supplies were onboard and the reports started to come in about what each area now had, what they still needed and what they planned to do over the coming weeks.

Coffee. She needed a nice hot cup of coffee. She replicated herself a cup before sitting down with it and staring out the window. The planet they were orbiting was beautiful. It was covered in Blue Ocean just like earth and large square-shaped continents that were red in colour. But all she could think about was the last clue she had found. She had thought about it over and over and still didn't know where to go or what to do. This frustrated her. She decided once the away teams were safe, back on Voyager and all the dilithium and supplies collected had been beamed up, that she would go and see Chakotay.

Chakotay was the only senior officer that she hadn't seen. She didn't know why but she was glad because every time they were alone together or relatively alone, all she could think about were things she would rather not for example; how handsome he looked or how gentle and warm his smile was. She would get lost in his caring, calm eyes and she always felt nervous around him. No. Nervous wasn't quite the right word but she would get all these feelings she couldn't explain. She didn't like the way she felt around him, so she had avoided him as much as possible. She knew it wasn't the right thing for a captain to do but she couldn't help herself. She just didn't want to be around him unless she had too.

=/\==/\==/\=

Voyager had finished beaming up the dilithium and all the plants they could use for food. They had found a wide range of grains, fruits and vegetables for Neelix to turn into their breakfast, lunch and dinners. Things had finally settled down and the ship was now back on course for the Alpha Quadrant.

Chakotay wasn't on duty so Kathryn decided now was the best time to go and see him. She left the bridge and went to his quarters. Surely Chakotay would know something about this trail of clues she had been following for the past week. When she finally reached his quarters, she took a deep breath, rang the door chime and waited for his response. There wasn't one so she rang it again, still no response. Figuring he wasn't there she asked the computer of his whereabouts. The computer responded with the same emotionless tone it always did.

'Commander Chakotay is in the mess hall.' Kathryn started to make her way towards the mess hall, passing a few crewmembers that greeted her along the way. They seemed happy, the mood on the ship had certainly lifted since the dilithium find.

'Captain!' She heard a voice call. Turning around she saw B'Elanna heading towards her.

'Yes Lieutenant?' She questioned, hoping there wasn't any serious problems with the new dilithium or in engineering.

'I just wanted to let you know we have enough dilithium to keep us going for over a year! It's good quality too.' B'Elanna was happy; this just made her smile at the news. Dilithium was hard to find, they were lucky to have found such a large deposit and gathered as much as they could store.

'That's great news.' She paused before speaking again. ' B'Elanna, have you seen Chakotay by any chance?' She enquired. She knew Chakotay was in the mess hall but felt as if she should ask her anyway.

'No, I haven't.' She replied slightly bewildered at the question. She knew all about the notes and how Kathryn had been purposely avoiding Chakotay. All the senior officers had noticed. She didn't know why she had been avoiding him which is why she thought it a little odd that she suddenly wanted t see him. 'Have you checked the mess hall?' She added, realising that her captain was still there.

'No, I was just on my way there to see if he was.' She just smiled while trying to keep her tone neutral, hoping not to give any of her inner feelings away.

'Oh well so was I. It's been busy in engineering, haven't eaten all day!' She stated. This was it. B'Elanna hadn't really wanted to tell her about the dilithium, it was just a ruse to enter into conversation with her. She had been tasked with getting their captain to the mess hall for her surprise party. Although not much of a ruse was needed like she thought, she still would be completing her part of the task. She had engaged her in small talk on their short trip to the mess hall. Upon entering she noticed the lights were off and there was no one in sight. _Good_she thought to herself and pretended to be baffled just like their captain at the odd scene in front of them.

The doors closed behind them and in that split second the lights turned on and people jumped out of no where shouting 'surprise!' as balloons, streamers and large pieces of coloured confetti were thrown all over the room.

'Happy birthday captain!' B'Elanna was grinning. She was still in shock. She had been expecting this surprise party yet was still caught off-guard. She couldn't help but laugh.

'Thank you.' She said and moved further into the room. Platters of food were soon brought out and drinks were poured. People started to approach her with gifts, which she kindly accepted and opened. Most of her gifts were new books, coffee mugs and bath bubbles, all of which she appreciated and thanked her crew for.

She had also been given ground coffee from Neelix, they had found a plant that was very similar to coffee on the planet where they had collected the dilithium, and saved it all for her. From Tom and B'Elanna she had received a 21st century coffee machine so she could use the coffee she had received from Neelix. Tom claimed it would make the best tasting coffee if she knew how to use it. He had promised to teach her. She couldn't wait to try it. But her favourite gift of all was the gold trimmed pink pendent in the shape of a rose. Chakotay had been the bearer of this gift and she loved it. It was beautiful, made from rose quartz and it was crystal clear like glass but in the colour of pink roses. It must have cost Chakotay weeks, even months of replicator rations.

'It's beautiful, thank you Chakotay.' She really couldn't express her gratitude in words. She would treasure it for a very long time.

As the night went on the chatter slowly grew quieter as people started to leave. When the mess hall was empty apart from Neelix and the few crewmembers that were tasked with cleaning up, she had accepted Chakotay's offer for one last glass of wine. She had missed his company and she felt stupid avoiding him like she had all week but as soon as they were alone all those feelings had come flying back as quickly as they had left.

Together they sat on his couch, at opposite ends with their glasses of wine. Neither of them had really said anything but the silence wasn't making her fell awkward. Rather the knowledge that Chakotay wanted to say something but just couldn't seem to find the courage. She could tell this just by looking at him. The nervous look on his face and the redness of his cheeks gave him away and this is what made her feel uncomfortable. When Chakotay finally spoke she became terrified not only of what he had said but what he would say next.

'I have a confession.' The words were simple and daring but they had sounded apprehensive and were barely audible. She couldn't think of how to respond, Chakotay sensed this and continued. 'Open it.' He gestured at a red note sitting on the coffee table in front of them. It had her name delicately written on it just like all the other little red notes she had received over the passed week.

Although uncertain if this was the right course of action, she picked up the note and opened it. She looked to Chakotay, asking him for reassurance and he just gave her a comforting smile.

_ I want to tell you how much I love you_

_But there are no words that compare_

_I want to tell you how beautiful you are_

_Because when I see you, all I can do is stare_

_I want to tell you how you make me feel_

_It is almost as if it is unreal_

_I want to tell you that you are amazing_

_Because you make me feel like my heart is blazing_

_I want to tell you what I see_

_Because I see one day, you and me_

_I want to tell you what you mean to me_

_Because you are a part of me_

She couldn't believe her eyes. This was a confession of love, for her. Just like her little notes had said at the beginning. It wasn't just any confession it was Chakotay's confession. Her best friends confession, her second officers! The person she had always trusted to stand by her side, to be her support and be her northern star. But not like this, not this deep, not love and she did not at all feel the same way! Chakotay spoke again.

'I love you Kathryn; I have since the first day I met you. I've kept these feelings locked away for so long but I need you to know because I can't any longer. I need to know if you feel the same way. If I have to move on, I will. It will break my heart and I will always love you, but I will. You are the most interesting, beautiful, challenging, strong-minded person I have ever met and if there is a chance, I want to take it and not waste another moment. I wrote that poem for you, because it is true. You mean so much to me and you are apart of my life, no matter what our relationship is.' His brave confession was now sounding more like a plea.

Now she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was confused and angry that Chakotay had done this now. She couldn't think. She couldn't speak. Tension had filled the air and was now threatening to suffocate her. The silence was unbearable but every time she opened her mouth to speak, nothing would come out.

'Kathryn. Please, say something. Anything.' Chakotay now had tears streaming down his face. He looked so lost and so worried. He looked like the silence was eating away at him.

'I… I don't know.' Was all she managed to say but it had come out sounding angry and louder than she had wanted it too. It wasn't her ideal response but she couldn't endure the emotions of this confession any longer. She clumsily made her way out of his quarters, too disoriented to care. Chakotay didn't try to stop her. Instead he just sat there, not knowing what to say or do.

She desperately made her way to her quarters where she felt as if she could finally breathe clear air upon entering. She wanted to forget everything that had just happened, but she was already so confused and so angry that the wave of mixed emotions and thousands of answerless questions had already begun to flood her mind. In her frenzied state she managed to change into her nightclothes before collapsing onto her bed. She began to cry out of frustration. She didn't want to get up in the morning; she didn't want to have to face Chakotay.

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**I know people have been reading and following this but I don't know what you think. So please tell me. If you like it, tell me, if you want more, tell me. One chapter to go! Thank you for reading. **


	7. Chapter 7 Part One

**So sorry for the wait. I know a lot of you are really looking forward to the final chapter but I've been really ill the past two weeks and left my writing book in my locker at school. I really hoped to finish this chapter today but it just isn't possible. So I have decided I would split the chapter into parts so there would still be something for you to read and hopefully within a few days I will be much better to finish it off!**

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She hadn't seen Chakotay for three days since his confession of love for her. She spent all of her time in her ready room whilst on duty, and in her quarters whilst off duty. She had had a lot of time to think about the events that had occurred. A lot of questions she had still went unanswered but she realized that Chakotay could still be a good friend and that she really didn't handle the situation well.

She felt terrible about the way she had reacted but at the same time she was angry for feeling this way because Chakotay had no right to put her on the spot the way he did!

For the past three days she had been asking herself the same questions over and over again. Why now? Why did he love her? What made him think they had a chance together? Did he think she loved him? Did she love him? Why did she react the way she did? Why did she feel bad when she had no reason too? Wait… did she love him? This was the question with which the answer most eluded her. She was so angry that she couldn't answer this question because it was insane for her to love him. But she doubted herself; she couldn't help think that maybe she did.

The weight of this dilemma was starting to really get to her. Three days of all these questions racing around in her head. Three nights of barely any sleep, three days of evading Chakotay and the rest of her crew. She really just wanted to go back to her quarters and collapse on her bed but she couldn't. She had work that needed to be done and she was still on shift. Coffee. This is what she needed. It had been her lifeline over the past three days and she knew without it she would never have gotten to the point she had.

Finishing another cup of coffee she realized it just wasn't enough. She couldn't keep going the way she was. Avoiding her crew, avoiding Chakotay, not getting any sleep. It just wasn't possible. She wanted to feel better, she was shattered and she just wanted everything to return to normal where she could be captain and he could be commander and they could be good friends, nothing more. But to do this she needed to talk to Chakotay.

She didn't like the way he had confessed but she felt as if she owed him a proper answer. But she didn't have one. She had been dead set on 'no I don't love you' when he confessed but it had come out 'I don't know' and she regretted this. This was the one thing she hadn't thought about over the past three days but now thinking about it, just like all the other questions she could find no answer. Until she knew why, she couldn't see Chakotay. Not until she was sure of her answer.

Now it had been a week since her surprise party and Chakotay's confession. The crew had noticed her lack of public appearance and rumors had spread through the ship like a plague. She had heard things about her not been around so much because of something Chakotay said to her. This was true which meant that Chakotay had told someone in confidence who in turn broke that confidence and told someone else bits and pieces. But the one that she heard the most was a lie that she had hated her surprise party, and that she had said this to one of the senior officers.

These rumors angered and saddened her. Chakotay had obviously trusted someone with the knowledge of what happened that night and they had broken this trust by telling someone else, and although it wasn't a big lie, someone had still made up the lie about her hating her party in order to get noticed. When people find out it wasn't true, trust will also be broken. She really thought she had a more honest crew.

But with all this said, today was the day she had decided she would finally do something about the whole situation. She had spent a lot of her shift on the bridge and would have stayed there if it weren't for the abundance of reports sitting on her desk, and in just a few hours she would be receiving more. She had just finished yet another one when she realized just witch reports she would soon be receiving. Crew roster. Chakotay would have a new crew roster for her to finalize. She was not looking forward to this.


	8. Chapter 7 Part Two

Everyone who had owed her a report had been and gone except Chakotay. The suspense of waiting was killing her. She had been mentally prepared for him to walk through those doors but the more time that passed, the less prepared she became. She had already read through all the new reports and made the arrangements they had asked for.

Although she had nothing to do she wasn't going to leave until he handed it in knowing full well if she did he would just swing by her quarters with it anyway. But she also knew he would have to hand it in before the end of his shift, which couldn't be too far away. She just wished he would get it over and done with. Finally the door chime rang. She took a deep breath. She hoped she was still as mentally prepared as she had been before.

'Come in.' The doors slid open in response with a hiss, Chakotay entered the room with his arm stretched out holding a PADD.

'Sorry it's late but I had to make some last minute changes to the roster.' Chakotay spoke formally and stood at attention. He had a plain expression on his face but she could tell it was just a cover. Underneath his plain expression she saw a worn out, heart broken man. This was her doing and she felt terrible for him. Seeing him in so much pain made her heart shatter. She had caused this and she knew she had done the wrong thing by him and she knew she needed to fix it.

'Thank you commander.' Taking the PADD from him, she just smiled softly and tried to avoid his eyes. Chakotay left. Not waiting to be formally dismissed and she didn't care. She knew it would have been just as hard her him as it was for her, if not even harder.

Suddenly all these answers to questions she had been asking herself the past few days came to her and it all begun to make a little bit of sense. Chakotay had told her that he loved her because he had sensed something from her, that she had feelings for him too. Those feelings she couldn't explain, the butterflies in her stomach, the fact that her heart raced every time she was around him, feeling so awful seeing him in all this pain, was because she loved him. She had been in denial; she didn't want to believe she had fallen for someone she couldn't have.

She hadn't just fallen for any member of her crew; she had fallen for her first officer, Chakotay, the one man that she most certainly couldn't have a relationship with because of his rank. Not that she could have a relationship with him if he was lower ranked anyway. It could never happen. She had a ship to run. A crew to be a roll model too and Starfleet regulations said she couldn't. It would be a breach of protocol. Not to mention the fact that they were seventy thousand light-years away from home.

Chakotay knew all these things yet he still admitted his love for her. Why? Why would he do this? Surely he would know that even if she did feel the same way, which she now believed she did, that it could never be something they could do anything about. Now she would have to go and break his heart, again and she hated herself for it. She left her quarters for Chakotay's, she wished there was some other way.

She was so nervous about talking to Chakotay that she felt sick. She knew exactly what the outcome of this would be and she didn't like it but it had to be. Sitting on Chakotay's couch, she anxiously waited for him to bring over the cup of coffee he had just replicated for her. Before coming to see him, she had planned out exactly what she wanted to say to the very last detail. Chakotay came over and handed her a cup, before sitting down on the couch. For a few minutes the room was silent. It felt awkward. She could feel Chakotay's stare boring into her as he watched her.

She took a long sip of her coffee. It was hot but not too hot that it would burn her mouth. The aroma filled the air, the steam felt warm on her face as she took another sip. She savored the flavor as it calmed her nerves. Chakotay still hadn't said anything and the silence was driving her insane. She couldn't handle the awkwardness any longer.

'I'm sorry Chakotay.' She paused, hoping Chakotay would speak, but he didn't. She tried to meet his gaze but he was looking down at the floor. She continued speaking, trying to make this go as quickly and smoothly as possible. 'I shouldn't have been so selfish. I made this all about me when it is all about you as well. About us.' About us? Had she really just said those two words so naturally?

'You weren't being selfish, I was. I get it, there is nothing between us, and I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. I knew the only reason you followed those clues was because you thought it was a joke, just a fun little game for your birthday. As much as I love you, I know you don't love me back. I'll learn to live with that.' Chakotay sounded broken, she couldn't believe the words she was hearing from him right now.

'No!' The word flew out of her mouth before it even registered. 'Chakotay…There is. I…' Chakotay had now shifted his gaze from the floor to her, his eyes filled with a look of hope. She couldn't believe she was finding this so hard, she was the captain of a starship, she shouldn't be getting all nervous like this. 'I care about you but we can't pursue this. Not now, there is protocol and the ship and… and the crew! We can't just be selfish and not think about all these things just to satisfy us.' It hadn't gone to plan but the words she had said were close enough. She had said what she needed but was surprised when she heard Chakotay begin to chuckle.

'I knew you would bring up the ship and those protocols. Kathryn, we are seventy thousand light-years from home, from Starfleet. Nothing is going to happen if you break this rule and by the time we get home I think they will have expected it. As for the ship, I don't think our relationship status means anything to how fast it flies or any of it's systems.' She couldn't help but laugh slightly at that last statement.

'But what about the crew?'

'The crew want this. Think of all the times we have been stuck in shuttles or turbo lifts together. All the parties where we had to bring a date, they have been trying to get us together for over a year now. '

Now it all made sense. Her feelings, his feelings, their many hours spent alone together trapped somewhere, the way the crew acted whenever they were seen together, everything made sense. All those unanswered questions suddenly had answers. But she still wasn't sure. Love couldn't be this easy. Could it?

'I don't know Chakotay.' Yet again she had broken his heart, he was shattered again, no longer was he the hopeful, cheerful man he had been just seconds ago. But she noticed him get a hold of himself, he looked hopeful again and he smiled at her and simply said: 'I'm here when you're ready.'

She couldn't believe he was still trying. Okay maybe she could, she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. Right now she just wanted to kiss him, let all the worry get washed away and be happy with him. But they couldn't. There were just to many unknown factors and to many people who would be affected. She highly regretted the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

'It would be easier if we just let go.' Her voice quivered and tears begun to well up in her eyes.

'I don't want to let go Kathryn. You're what I want, and I will wait as long as I have to, to be with you. '

This time she had nothing else to say. She had said everything she could think of, Chakotay wasn't willing to let go, and there wasn't anything more she could do. They couldn't be together. She left, entering her quarters she decided she would just sleep. She was too beat up to do anything else. She couldn't help but think what it would be like if things were different. If they were back in the Alpha quadrant, she could be with him. They could live in a beautiful, big house in her hometown of Indiana, they could have children and they could be happy together. That night, she dreamed of this life and hoped that one-day, it could be reality.

=/\==/\==/\=

Another day had gone by, another day where she and Chakotay were still just friends. She had been thinking about everything, about her feelings for him. She just wanted to be with him and he was waiting for her. She knew he wanted her but she was afraid, afraid of what people would think, afraid of what Starfleet would think when they got back. Afraid that she could lose him, that he could die on some away mission. But even when they were just friends, he could die on an away mission.

=/\==/\==/\=

Weeks had passed since she spoke with Chakotay and she was beginning to break. She had tried desperately to suppress her feelings, to forget and move on but she couldn't. She wanted him and she needed him. She was beginning to feel hopeless but she now knew they could be together, she just needed to let him him, let herself believe it was okay and that it was possible to be with him. He had continued to be by her side, waiting for her. Even though he was hurting he was waiting and she knew she couldn't make him wait any longer, it was unfair and she didn't want too. She wanted him. But she just couldn't seem to bring herself to admit it.

=/\==/\==/\=

Another week and she was going insane. Her contact with Chakotay had diminished, she still wanted him, and she still loved him. Every night she had dreamed of a life where they were together. Every time it was either a life here on Voyager, back in Indiana or somewhere else that was beautiful and happy. Right now she didn't care that she was on duty, she didn't care what the crew would think of them, she didn't care what Starfleet would think. She didn't care. She just wanted him but she knew she would have to yet again apologize for breaking his heart.

'Tuvok, you have the bridge.' It was uncalled for, she knew that and she knew the crew was looking at her with confused looks on their faces but she needed to see Chakotay. She missed him, she had caused his pain and even though he had said he would wait for her, she knew his lack of appearance was because he couldn't deal with the pain. Walking as fast as she could to Chakotay's quarters she was just so relieved when she got there, rung the bell and was called to come in.

'I want you!' The words almost echoed off the bulkheads. Chakotay was speechless, he had not expected this but he was glad, he could finally be with the one person who he loved so completely.

'You do? What changed your mind?' He wouldn't believe it till he heard it.

'I can't stop thinking about you, about what we could have, about how much I love you. I want you Chakotay, I want you to be mine forever, I don't care what anyone else thinks anymore because I was going insane. I couldn't keep these feelings away, I know I shouldn't have even tried but I did and I wish I hadn't But I can't lie to myself anymore. I want you.' By now she had tears running down her face.

Chakotay said nothing, just took her in his arms and held her for a while until she finally looked up. The moment couldn't have been any more perfect, she had let her worries go, he had not even worried about the heartbreak she had caused her.

'I love you Kathryn, I always will.' He lent down and kissed her. An amazing sensation went through her, passion, lust, and happiness. She returned the kiss, it felt right, and finally they were together. They would start creating a life together and nothing could stop them.

'I love you Chakotay.' She said as she broke the kiss. She knew she had to say it, and she meant it. Nothing was going to ruin this moment for them, she was happy, he was happy. She spent the night up with him, just talking, exchanging kisses, and enjoying each other's company. She didn't want this to end, she didn't want to wake up and find it was a dream. But she fell asleep in his arms, content that she had finally let go and set her love free knowing that Chakotay was hers and would forever be. Always.

~The end~

**Thank you all for your support and lovely reviews, without it I would never have finished this story. I would also like to mention again that without my best friend Lizz, this story would never have come to life. We created this idea together two years ago and decided then that I would write it. I think it turned out okay?  
Let me know your thoughts, I like them. =)  
If you want a sequel please let me know trough reviews or PM, if you also have ideas I would gladly hear them.  
I'll also be changing my pen name to something snoopy related so you all know incase there is a sequel.  
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. **


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